Sunday, September 20, 2009

Warning: What Proceeds Is A Long and Rambling Rant Concerning College Football. Proceed With Caution.

I know what you're thinking. "Man, it has been a long time since Joel has blogged about sports. I really wish that he would have a nice, long sports blog for me to read. Those are always my favorites!" Well, not to worry. Jake Peavy won his first start for the White Sox last night, and the latest AP football rankings were just released, so I have lots I want to tell you about.

I must admit, first, that things have been looking pretty grim for me and my sports teams lately. The Sox completely fell apart in August, going 2-8 on a crucial road trip to New York, Boston, and Minnesota, basically killing any chances that they had of making the playoffs. But they did win their make-up game at Wrigley, thereby winning the season series against the Cubs, and, in the end, that's all that really matters, right?

Besides, I thought, the White Sox falling apart will just let me dedicate my full attention to College Football, right? And then the Oregon Ducks go out on their season opener and embarrass themselves on and off the field against Boise State. So please pardon me for just not feeling like talking about sports for a while.

But then yesterday comes around, and I get to watch most of the Oregon-Utah game from an Applebee's off of I-57 in Champagne, and the Ducks beat - albeit sloppily - a top 20 team that hadn't lost in 2 years and had won last year's Sugar Bowl. Huzzah! And then, to top it off, when I get back home I discover that the Washington Huskies beat USC! Oh, twist!

So I finally had a reason to go to bed happy last night. But I was lying, waiting for sweet slumber to overtake me, I couldn't help but wonder: How will the AP vote tomorrow? They have to punish USC, but the Trojans still need to be ranked above Ohio State. Brigham Young got routed by Florida State at home, but does that mean that they're now going to be below an Oklahoma team that they beat just two weeks ago? My head was spinning.

I woke up this morning, put on my Spider-Man pajama pants, made some coffee, and then settled down to discover - to my horror though not my surprise - that the AP voters had placed Oklahoma at 10th, USC at 12th, FSU at 18th, and BYU at 19th. This is why I have so much sympathy for the mid-majors. Brigham Young has the same record as Oklahoma and beat them in Oklahoma, and yet the voters say that Oklahoma is nine spots better than BYU in the rankings. Furthermore, the voters are saying that it's better to lose at home by one point with your quarterback playing half the game than it is to lose by three points on the road without your quarterback for the entire game. Thhhhppbttt!!

Of course, I have my own ulterior motives for my discontent. All the clouds that lour over my house have been put there by the Oklahoma Sooners. You see, what a lot of people here in the midwest don't realize is that, even though Oregon may be rivals with teams like Oregon State, USC, or Boise State, their nemesis is the University of Oklahoma. The animosity between these two teams is not very old, but it is quite deep and bitter; #2 Oklahoma whooping unranked Oregon 31-7 on national TV in 2004, #23 Oklahoma upsetting #5 Oregon in the 2005 Holiday Bowl, then having their win stricken from the records by an alumni job scandal, then having it restored a year later, and of course#18 Oregon beating #11 Oklahoma in September 2006 on a last minute onside kickoff that, under replay, maybe probably should have been given to Oklahoma.

This is why I want to make this Oregon-Oklahoma rivalry real. And we don't have to just be rivals at football. No, we can be rivals at everything. Seriously, just look at the facts for a minute or two and you'll see how Oregon and Oklahoma are near-perfect Others of one another, or, more accurately, how Oklahoma is like some kind of Bizarro Oregon...

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