Tuesday, February 9, 2010

La Vita Nuova, Indeed

Have you seen this??

That's right: Dante's Inferno: The Video Game.

I couldn't believe my eyes, so I went to Wikipedia, where I gleaned some very useful information:

"Dante's Inferno is an action-adventure where players take a third-person control of Dante, the game's protagonist, and engage heavily in fast-paced combat, platforming and environment-based puzzles." Awesome. Furthermore, "In the game, Dante's primary weapon is a Death's Scythe that can be used in a series of combination attacks and finishing moves, and his secondary weapon is a Holy Cross that fires a volley of energy as a projectile attack." A Holy Cross that fires a volley of energy as a projectile attack!? (I actually do remember that from the Sixth Canto.)

But of course, the best part is when Dante goes action hero on Limbo:

Dante begins his descent into Hell, fighting demons, unbaptized babies and other tormented souls. He rides on the back of Charon the ferryman, who he later kills by forcing a demon to rip his head off, to reach the serpentine King Minos, the Judge of the Damned, whom he must defeat to continue his journey. In the end, Dante manages to kill Minos by placing his tongue on a torture device and spinning the wheel around to split his face in half.
"Watch out Dante! That unbaptized baby is right behind you! Quick, rip its head off!"


Pictured: Name Taker. Ass Kicker. Baby Puncher.

If Electronic Arts pulls this off - and I honestly hope that they do - then I am totally jumping on this bandwagon. I've got my list all ready started:

Call of Duty 5: The Iliad In the latest installment of this award winning first person shooter, take control of several different Greek warriors in their siege of the ancient city of Troy. Players can take part in team-based or deathmatch style multiplayer modes, and have access to the most authentic technology, such as "bow," "spear," and "sword."

Chaucer's Canterbury Tales ... of War! In this MMORPG, choose your character's occupation, from knight to prioress to pardoner, and get to work getting to Canterbury! Gain experience points from recruiting other pilgrims and working on your story! Special hidden bonus level allows your character to partake of cuckoldry and cunnilingus.

James Joyce's Ulysses Basically GTA, only with more violence. And drinking.


r wright said...

what is MMORPG???

Joel said...

Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. Like World of Warcraft.