My Daring Picks for 2009

AL West:

Angels 92-70
Athletics 82-80
Mariners 74-88
Rangers 67-95

The Angels have this division wrapped up by the end of July. However, their complacency lets the AL East leaders distance themselves from the Halos. The A's make a late run in the first week of September, and get the lead down to 4 before they choke. Feel-good season for the M's, who are finally able to get out of the basement.

AL Central:

Twins 88-74
White Sox 86-76
Indians 85-77
Tigers 78-84
Royals 68-94

The division that no one wants to win. It's neck-and-neck-and-neck-and-neck through the first half of the season, with the Sox having a lead between 0 and 2 most of the way. Age catches up with the South Siders, however, and by August the Twins are up by 4. The Sox sweep the Tribe in September, and are posed to make a run at the division, but they drop 2 out of 3 to Detroit on closing weekend.

AL East:

Rays 101-61
Red Sox 97-65
Yankees 87-75
Blue Jays 82-80
Orioles 73-89

The Bronx Circus returns with New Yorkers turning on Joba, A-Rod “hurt” on and off again throughout the season, and C.C. Sabathia quitting in August to go find Jesus. The Rays come out of the gate on a tear, and are up 5 on the BoSox by the All-Star Break. Boston keeps its cool, though, and lets Tampa take the division in exchange for the Wild Card and some much needed rest down the stretch.


NL West:

Diamondbacks 88-75
Dodgers 87-76
Padres 75-87
Rockies 74-88
Giants 59-103

Another division nobody gives a damn about. L.A. Leads for most of the way, with the press fawning over Manny and Joe. In July, however, with a 2-game lead over Arizona, Ramirez remarks during a press conference that he “wishes he were playing for a team that had a chance.” L.A chokes down the stretch, losing 7 out of 9 on a road-trip through DC, Pittsburgh, and San Diego. They rally to sweep the Rockies before losing to Arizona in a one-game playoff.

NL Central

Cubs 94-68
Cardinals 85-77
Brewers 82-80
Pirates 76-86
Astros 75-87
Reds 73-89

At the end of May, the Cubs are the consensus best team baseball. Then, oddly enough, they play sub .500 ball for June and July. It's a weak division this year, though, and the Cubs pretty much take September off. Lou Piniella has so much time on his hands he co-writes “Red Rum,” about his 1990 World Series championship with the Cincinnati Reds.

NL East

Phillies 95-67
Mets 94-68
Braves 82-80
Marlins 76-86
Nationals 55-107

The Braves lead the division through most of May, but falter during inter-league play and are completely out of the picture by August. It turns out that it is ridiculously easy to hit home runs out of Citi Field, which gets re-named “The People's Glorious Bank of the Homeland Field” in June. Both the Phillies and the Mets surge in September, with New York winning nine of their last 11, but Philadelphia sweeping Houston to take the division.

Playoffs

Tampa Bay needs five to oust the Twins in “The Battle of the 'Domes,” and the Sox beat the Angels in four. Arizona shocks the world by beating the champion Phillies in four, and the Cubs sweep the Mets, setting up a date with the team that eliminated them in '07.

Boston gets the re-match they've been waiting for all season, and the opportunity to show why they stopped playing in August. It's a match-up of two great defenses, but the Red Sox rotation and bullpen just proves to be too deep. Boston in six.

The NLCS is also a great series. The teams split the first two in Wrigley, but the Cubs take two in Phoenix, setting up an elimination game 6. In the top of the 8 with two outs, Soriano loses a pop-fly in the lights. Arizona goes on a rally, winning 4-2. They win game 7 8-1 to advance to the World Series.

The World Series reports dismal viewer ratings. The biggest storyline is that the D'Backs have a pitcher named William Jennings “Billy” Buckner. The Diamondbacks have half the payroll of the Red Sox, and it shows. Boston wins in five.

Nobody cares.